Emergency Action Planning

Ryskless Talks:

Musky Daggers you’ve been quite loud lately, have a seat, remove your hearing protection we need an intervention. Gun violence, are you prepared? My recommendation: RUN, HIDE, FIGHT. Practice this at your workplace to ensure everyone knows how and where to respond to. Don’t actually fight each other though…well I guess we can throw some pool noodles in and play chicken as long as you wear your Type II helmets with face shields.

Listen, if it sounds like a gunshot don’t go investigating (unless you wear a badge) run like Forrest Gump, breaking the dusty rust off your robotic legs until you feel like you’re in a safe environment (but don’t turn around). There's no shame in living to work another day to feed your family, friends or yourself.

If you hit a dead end or accidentally find another punch item (someone forgot how to install emergency exit doors correctly). Hide, like a million bucks depends on you not being found. I know you’ve all played hide & seek at least once in your life. From what I’ve heard some people are good at hiding from work…just kidding, don’t get sensitive. You wouldn’t be sitting here listening to me preach if you were hiding from work. Ha, I did it again, someone stop me.

If there’s nowhere to run, hide or you’ve made eye contact with the angry elf. Grab something and pretend you’re in the matrix movie with Bruce Lee and Jason Staddon at the first volume of Kill Bill scene and start spelling the word redrum backwards. Just try to disarm the angry elf and hold it until more help comes. But they’re probably going to be running away unless they’re wearing a badge, so disarm the angry elf like you like you’re Mickey Mantle trying to hit your 62nd homerun.

Seriously though, don’t take your guns to work or school. It’s the policy, unless it’s your job description. They’re not allowed for the above reason. What if the angry elf just got fired and knows that your musket is in your truck? How would you and your family feel knowing that people just lost their fathers, mothers, kids because of your musket. Tears are what I imagine you and your family would feel, plus a negative lifetime memory stamp. Leave your guns a home, don’t take your guns to work…name the song. Cash prize.

Parking Lot Talk:

I only carry one weapon around occasionally. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours, I call it a golden eye. Super little, but heavy. It’s on my belt, see. It’s a very old collectible piece. I’m not too worried about guns, just the silly folks that carry them. I have stories for days about silly moments I’ve experienced with folks showing off their guns (accidentally or purposely). Anywho.

What’s everyone’s favorite gun they own? Why do you have it and what’s your favorite part about it. I’ll start.

I have a muzzle loader. My dad hand built it when he was an 18-year-old patriot, taught me to shoot with a steady arm then gave me this rifle. His fault or not, but I don’t even really know how to load it (I guess I have options and time). I get it it’s not your fault, who would you point your finger(s) towards. Just make sure you don’t point them at yourself (statistics). My favorite parts about it are it’s so heavy I can barely hold it up accurately, I can melt down a coin to cast my own ammo, and it gives me a lot of time to think before I pick it up or between shots. Well water, yes, I shoot it once a year to knock off the dusty orange rust (surface rust doesn’t mean it’s a bad piece of metal). I usually just shoot a deer and give the meat away around hunting season, have you tried it (don’t forget your safety orange) and don’t fall asleep in the tree stand without being protected. You might fall.

Tip:

Buy employees gun safety or self-defense courses, instead of a bottle of whiskey for celebrations.

#Ryskless #EAP #Workplaceculture #Gunviolence